School Packed Lunch Horror

On the radio (BBC 4 approx 7.35) this morning two fine, noble and gracious ladies of the class of “those who know best” expounded on the contents of primary school lunch boxes. Much to my shock and horror they informed me that, after inspection and analysis, a mere 1% of school packed lunches passed Government roster.

But there was worse to come. One of the beloved leaderenes, told us, with an obvious distaste in her tone, how these (99% delinquent) parents gave their children:

Savouries,

Chocolate,

and even, (before continuing please either sit down or stand well clear of breakable objects)

Fizzy drinks.

These were of course then collectively referred to as “Unhealthy foods”. I expect the term poisons was at the forefront of the ladies minds but they backed away from that one.

The prospect of a government banning order on such items was mooted and eagerly endorsed.

During their discourse they further reported that has been a regrettible and unforeseen outcome from the inequality between these packed lunches.

The little bleeders are developing bartering skills.

You know the type of thing: one sausage roll equals two jam sandwiches.

Evidently, a chocolate bar is seen as great wealth.

While the poor kid with only carrot sticks and mung beans equates to the proverbial “Big Issue” seller in this playground bartering system.

Indeed, after further research, I was informed of one trade where some unfortunate child, with a headily nutritious and fat free lunch of lettuce, Humus, carrot sticks and Mung beans traded the whole lot for a single Rowntrees Rolo. Even then, the deal was only struck because his mate took pity on him.

Regrettably Billothewisp cannot change his ways. He still regards the odd burger or (horror of horror) a fried egg sandwich as one of life's little delicacies. To be enjoyed by child and Neanderthal alike. He thinks that giving your child a small token of your love and affection in the form of a chocolate bar or bag of crisps in their lunch box is hardly a crime.

Billothewisp also has the rather bizarre notion that giving your kids food that they detest and would rather trade for a single Rolo is more akin to child neglect than letting them have some Rolos all of their own in the first place.