A Bonfire of English Criminality

Greetings to you, my fellow unspeakable little Englanders. You inhabitants of a non nation. Those who live in a representation free zone. Perhaps you are cruel and mean (aka Andrew Marr). Worse than that, I bet that you,like me, are all probably crimmo's.

It is, with great regret, that Billothewisp has to (probably) inform all his fellow English nasties that he is a crimmo. A lag, conman, crook, vandal, villain, tea-leaf barbarian. Or at least he might be.

Of course, as a true Englishman, Billothewisp would normally surrender himself immediately to the nearest police station and readily confess all.

Billothewisp would do his bird in true penitence, smoking his thin little roll-ups and eating his porridge with a true reformed character zeal.

But he has a problem.

Although he is utterly sure that he must be a crimmo, he has had difficulty in precisely identifying his crime. But a crime there must be. And there are so many to choose from.

Why must Billothewisp be a filthy crimmo? I can hear you naive and cruel little Englanders ask.

Let me explain further to you my disenfranchised English underworld brethren.

The great leader, Citizen One the wonderfully marvellous supreme leader the great Gordon “The Abyss” Brown and his loyal and supportive colleagues have created in excess of 3000 new crimes. (Seriously. See here). Of these, about half could lead to a spell in prison for the retro-bate Englishman or English woman who inadvertently breaks one (or more) of them.

All this while they, the great good and extremely well fed, singularly deny you and me, the dirty and degraded English, a chance to vote for our own parliament, and laws. How they must care so avidly for us, to save us the dilemma of who to vote for, and who to vote out.

Furthermore I must confess to a further sin.

I must inform all you old English lags, blags, slags and hags that in the naive view of Billothewisp, a confessed little Englander himself, that these new laws are an affront to English decency. He believes that all such trivial and counterproductive laws along with their formulators, supporters and their associated no-win no-fee advocates should be piled into a great heap in Trafalgar square. Then set alight.

Regrettably this, in itself will probably be an offence punishable by a significant prison sentence.

Perhaps this will solve Billothewisp's crime identification problem. Perhaps he should 'fess up to this desire to remove unnecessary law and control mechanisms. It is after all a veritable thought crime in our 1984-like society.