A Cruise for England's Finest.

Billothewisp is not a great fan of cruise liners. To be fair he has never been on one, but they look far too posh for a citizen covered in excess body hair.

However he has come up with a great scheme involving just one Ocean liner. This scheme may solve ALL of the nations tribulations and woes.

It will require the full participation of the Great Good and Extremely Well Fed. Especially those who rule over our cruel little non-nation of England. These magnifico's will simply have to do what they do best. In other words get their noses fully into the trough.

Billothewisp envisages an all expenses paid extravaganza on the high seas. All the duck house recipients, those flip-flopping their second homes or making an honest expense claim for some porno films should be invited.

If there is any space spare, perhaps we could invite some no-win no-fee lawyers and of course, we must not leave out those poor underfed bankers whose selfless denial and patriotic zeal surely bring a tear to the eye.

Finally, perhaps we could pack on some of the Islamic extremists who so reasonably expect us to change our laws to accommodate their modern and forward thinking ideas.

We could all wave them off, cheering from the quayside as they sail on their pleasure excursion to the more exotic parts of the Pacific Ocean.

Particularly Billothewisp envisages our fine collective example of humanity sailing over the Pacific Ocean's Mariana Trench (depth 36,201 feet). Just to show how wonderful and important they all are, we could arrange a small rendezvous with one of Her Majesties submarines.

We all know how careless sailors can be. It would be no surprise to anyone if they were to accidentally fire a torpedo salvo into the liner. Of course, as they are the Royal Navy, one would expect them to reload immediately and “Oh darn, done it again”. Well, what do you expect?

The crew would, of course, get a serious telling off. That is, after they got back from ticker-tape parade through the streets of London.

So, I hear you ask. How would this solve ALL of the nations problems?

Well, regrettably it won't.

But it would be a bloody good start.