It was Christmas Eve.
In a dark corner of the public bar in an obscure boozer in one of the wilder recesses of Purbeck, Carol pulled a pint of Old Rosie (the Cider of Champions).
In a dark corner of the public bar in an obscure boozer in one of the wilder recesses of Purbeck, Carol pulled a pint of Old Rosie (the Cider of Champions).
Scrooge greedily eyed the filling glass
and impatiently tapped the bar with his knuckles.
The liquid slowly filled the glass.
The smell of sour apples filled the bar. Scrooge's tapping got
louder and louder.
Carol (who was not known for her
tolerance of old impatient men) glared at the ungrateful customer.
She finished the pouring. The glass was slid across the counter.
Scrooge grudgingly passed over a handful of coins.
Scrooge licked his lips. His grubby
little hands clutched round the glass of cloudy fluid. Raising it
carefully to his lips, he sipped the brew. Slowly and carefully, he
consumed the golden liquid.
Soon the glass was empty.
Scrooge tearfully eyed the empty glass,
then like a man in mourning, he cracked open his wallet and extracted
a single twenty pound note. He bought another pint of Old Rosie and
then another and finally, a fourth.
Scrooge, it has to be said, was
utterly hammered.
It should be remembered that Old Rosie,
(the Cider of Champions) is not a brew for the faint hearted. It is
rated at 7.5% ABV.
It may be that the natural cloudiness
of Old Rosie is part of the brewing process, or it might be because
Old Rosie is dissolving the glass.
This does have its advantages though,
we now know that Old Rosie is one of the most potent sterilising
agents known to man.
If during an outbreak of MRSA the
patients were given a couple of pints of Old Rosie each morning, the
bug would be toast.
However, I digress. Back to Scrooge.
Anyway Scrooge had imbibed four whole
pints of Old Rosie before he decided to stagger home. He got about
half way before the hedge looked too comfortable to avoid. He lay
down.
Now at this point of course, old
Scrooge is supposed to go off on three journeys of discovery, into
the past, the present and the future. There he discovers the true
meaning of Christmas and ends up a better and more fulfilled person.
But really, let's be serious. If you
think anyone is going to be able to stand up after drinking four
pints of Old Rosie, let alone indulge in time travelling and
character building, then you are sadly deluded.
Scrooge was lucky. Carol was driving
home down the same country lane and noticed the old man snoring away
in the hedge. She woke him up and threw the drunk into the back of
her car. In true Christmas spirit she dumped him 100 yards from home.
Just far enough for him to stagger home, and dream up an excuse for
the wife.
A true act of Christmas generosity by a
bona-fide Christmas Carol.
Merry Xmas.
Love & Kisses
Billothewisp
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