Billothewisp is suing the Royal Air Force.
Why you may ask.
Well as you know last week on his way back from the pub, Billothewisp was abducted by aliens from the planet Tharg.
There he was brutally mated with three seven foot Amazons.
Believe it or not, Billothewisp became a sexual plaything.
Exploited for the enjoyment of a set of green one eyed bastards who mocked every aspect of his sexuality.
Now I know how those poor abused male porn stars feel. Just to make matters worse I now also have a nasty little rash.
Finally, just for a laugh, those one eyed green monsters look a jack hammer to my head. The headache lasted for days.
The scars will never heal.
I know there are some of you doubting bastards who reckon I simply got hammered on “Old Rosie” (the cider of champions) and then got lost in a field when I needed to go and take a leak on my way home.
Well, all I can say to you lot is if that is the low opinion you hold me in you can all bugger off when I get my 100 grand payout.
Buy your own bleeding “Old Rosie”.
I telling you the aliens were real. And I sticking to it. Morever that is what I've told the wife.
So for good reason Billothewisp is suing the RAF.
I've paid sheds loads of money in tax. At least I should expect Aliens to be intercepted before they get to park up in a Dorset field and abduct the locals.
So where were they?
Combing their bleeding handle-bar moustaches in the officers mess no doubt.
Billions spent on Euro-fighter Typhoon and a bunch of lousy green eyed monsters descend and kidnap a bloke on his way back from the pub.
Call that defence?
I call it neglect.
I going to do a trawl for some no-win no-fee lawyers. From what I have seen there is absolutely no problem with my claim. There have been other claims that positively make my own claim look average.
So although my life has been absolutely ruined by the inactivity of the RAF I am am confident that a little bit of cash may well make life a little easier. The local landlord is so confident he has already booked two weeks in Benidorm on my potential expanded spending on “Old Rosie”
But this still leaves one little item I have got to sort out.
Anyone know how to deal with that rather embarrassing little rash?