Magnificent Leaders and Scurrilous Lies

Today, my grubby sour-faced little Englanders, I received an email from Alison.

I read the email in disbelief. I came to the conclusion that the smiley "Oh So Nice" Alison must really be a subversive. An agent for the Dark Side.

Her email had been formulated to undermine the credibility of our divine leaders. I wiped away tears of indignation as I read the email. It made me gasp to read such foul lies.

I decided to publish the email here simply to show you all how the Forces of Darkness are conspiring against the fabulous divinities who govern us with such care and understanding.

And as for you the "Oh So Nice" Alison, all I can say is - They know where you live.

My hand quakes as I transpose these wicked lies about our beneficent 635 MP's:

• 29 have been accused of spouse abuse
• 7 have been arrested for fraud
• 9 have been accused of writing bad cheques
• 17 have directly or indirectly bankrupted at least 2 businesses (at least two!)
• 3 have done time for assault
• 71 cannot get a credit card due to bad credit
• 14 have been arrested on drug-related charges
• 8 have been arrested for shoplifting
• 21 are currently defendants in lawsuits
• 84 have been arrested for drink driving in the last year. (In the last year!)

How could any country, even our little non country of England ever come to be governed by such a bunch of wife beating, shoplifting, drunken driving, feckless, financially incompetent, doped up, criminal bankrupts as this?


Of course for every crimmo that gets caught, there are another five who get away.

So, finally I must say, to all those wonderful magnificent honest and upright MP's, fighting so hard for us poor little plebs:

That I love and admire you.

All three of you.

(Oh No! another one just got nicked for drunken driving!)

All two of you.

(Um, especially the one who hasn't just had his credit card cut in half. You know, the same one on a charge for beating up his wife.)

OK that may only leave one...but....

To you My Hero, My leader, my Divine Saviour - I pledge thee my unswerving loyalty and devotion.

Hmmm... But just why are your eyes so bloodshot and glazed?

(And what exactly is that you are smoking?)