2012 - The End of The World is Nigh.

Harold Camping was RIGHT!. We are all going to die, and you dear Reader will be deader than most.

21st December 2012. BOOM! The end of the world. 12:00pm sharp. Don't be late. This is the date the Mayan 13th Bak'tun on their Long Count Calender runs out. (actually it wraps over to the 14th Bak'tun - but we'll ignore that)

The Mayans may have been a stone age civilisation, but they knew (Uh...) "things". Things like, well, Um....

They were in touch with a deeper mystical and celestial presence.

They had reached that deep cosmic Nirvana that our civilisation cannot ever attain.

They were in touch with the inner psyche of the divinity at the centre of existence.

Their karma extended beyond a mere physical existence into a truly eternal Cosmic conscience..

That is why they painted their women's faces blue, then filed down their teeth to points. Finally they made them go boss eyed by balancing a ruby on their nose.

How mystical!

How metaphysical!

And how much money do you have? Arghhhh!..Ignore that last question.

YOU really are DOOMED. YOU are the walking DEAD.

But is that a fat wallet I see?.Hallelujah!!!! There is a way ahead. There is salvation. Remember though, if you have money you simply cannot enter heaven. De Facto.

Rich men and the eye of needle? Remember that?

It's no goodtrying to amend your ways now. Rushing off down the boozer to blow it all on Old Rosie (the Cider of Champions) simply is NOT going to cut the mustard.

Remember this is GOD we are dealing with. Not the planning department at the local council.

Oh OK - bad example - but just because the planning dept think they are gods doesn't make it true.

(In order to be culturally inclusive the following applies to all Welsh, Scots and Irish as well as Canadians, Australians, Yanks, Mexicans, Norwegians and everyone else for that matter, as long as they were born on a week-day or alternatively on the week-end)

Yep. I am talking to ONLY TO YOU my grubby little Englander. YOU are the only one who can be saved by Billothewisp. But YOU Have to agree to be saved.

Let's face it. Otherwise you are stuffed. Unless you agree to be saved then for you, it is an eternity of hell fire and damnation. So what is Hell? Brimstone? Whips? Boiling Oil?

Nah - that's kids stuff.

Hell is being forced to drink gassy alcohol free American lager and watch the X factor all day. The adverts will be filled with no-win no-fee lawyers. If you change channels all you will get is a continual discussion between the two members of JedWard on their understanding of the Schroedinger Wave equation.

Your eyes will be stitched open. Your bladder will be stitched shut. Your mind will be filled with images of a naked Kate Moss - but when she is 85 years old.

Serves you right. But there is hope.

Yes! Billothewisp is here to save you! Don't start thinking about it! Don't start reasoning! That only leads to hell and a wrinkly Kate Moss. What you need to do is divest yourself of all that hellish filthy lucre just laying in your bank account. Billothewisp has broad shoulders. He can absorb the shame. He can soak up the bad karma that flows from (ugh!) money. So, as soon as possible, ensure you send him all those ugly high denomination notes.

When the whole world explodes at 12.00pm 21st December 2012, you can go straight to

the front of the queue into Heaven (celebrity entrance). Just mention Billothewisp.

Be Saved. Send all your money to me! (Metaxa is also accepted in part payment)

You know it makes sense.

Happy New Year.

Love and kisses

Billothewisp.

2012 and The End Of The World

Just to get us in the mood: A song from the Sixties:


The Eve Of Destruction

The Eastern World, It is Exploding,
Violence flaring, bullets loading,
You're old enough to kill,but not for voting,
You don't believe in war so whats that gun you're toting,
And even the Jordan river has bodies floating.
And you don't believe -
we're on the eve of Destruction?

So sang Mr Barry McGuire in 1965.

But we are still here.

One of my many old paper-backs is a blockbuster from the early 1970's titled "The Doomsday Book" by Gordon Rattray-Taylor.

The fly leaf reads:

If you thought you were going to survive the next 30 years then think again!

From Wikipediea I see that the lights went out for Mr Rattray-Taylor in 1983. No doubt, while on his death bed he confidently assumed that the rest of us would be following him to meet the Maker in short order.

But we are still here.

Skip several "the end is nigh" phophesies and now we are looking down the same old gun barrel again.

This time however, it is bound to be true. After all, I am reliably informed the Mayan civilisation have an end date to their calender which corresponds to December 21st 2012.

The Mayan civilisation, which built such wonders as the pyramid at Chichen Itza were massively skilled in astronomy and mathematics. They devised a sophisicated calender which does count up to a date which corresponds to 21-12-2012. The bit that most doom-sayers seem to miss though is that after reaching 21-12-2012... it counts on. A bit like 1999-2000.

No doubt if the Mayans had survived their own internal wars and the Spanish invaders, they would have thrown a massive party before getting back to the odd human sacrifice or two.

For all their sophisicated mathematics the Mayans were a stone age people who never even invented the wheel. I think it hardly likely they knew something 600 years ago that we don't know today.

But to keep in the mood of Mr Barry McGuire. Heres my prediction for 21-12-2012.

In Dorset, England it will be drizzling. At approximately 22:00 hours, shortly after the drizzle has turned to a whitish-grey slushy snow, and shortly before I find out that I have just finished the bottle of cider I had been enjoying all evening, the world blink out.  

As if it was never there. 

Spooky eh?

But it is bound to be true. Look at the weather here tonight. Is that not an obvious omen and portent? And exactly two years almost to the hour before doomsday.

For further enlightenment, please send cheques/postal order/paypal etc marked payable to BilloTheWisp. I will help lighten your physical burden so the passing into the cosmic ether will be less arduous for you. You can thank me later.

Just remember the chilling words of Private Frazer:  

We Are All DOOMED!

Just as a matter of interest: When nothing much happens on 21-12-2012 does anyone know what the next end-of-the-world date/scenario is? I might like to make a block-buster movie about it.