Harold Camping was RIGHT!. We are all going to die, and you dear Reader will be deader than most.
21st December 2012. BOOM! The end of the world. 12:00pm sharp. Don't be late. This is the date the Mayan 13th Bak'tun on their Long Count Calender runs out. (actually it wraps over to the 14th Bak'tun - but we'll ignore that)
The Mayans may have been a stone age civilisation, but they knew (Uh...) "things". Things like, well, Um....
They were in touch with a deeper mystical and celestial presence.
They had reached that deep cosmic Nirvana that our civilisation cannot ever attain.
They were in touch with the inner psyche of the divinity at the centre of existence.
Their karma extended beyond a mere physical existence into a truly eternal Cosmic conscience..
That is why they painted their women's faces blue, then filed down their teeth to points. Finally they made them go boss eyed by balancing a ruby on their nose.
And how much money do you have? Arghhhh!..Ignore that last question.
YOU really are DOOMED. YOU are the walking DEAD.
But is that a fat wallet I see?.Hallelujah!!!! There is a way ahead. There is salvation. Remember though, if you have money you simply cannot enter heaven. De Facto.
Rich men and the eye of needle? Remember that?
It's no goodtrying to amend your ways now. Rushing off down the boozer to blow it all on Old Rosie (the Cider of Champions) simply is NOT going to cut the mustard.
Remember this is GOD we are dealing with. Not the planning department at the local council.
Oh OK - bad example - but just because the planning dept think they are gods doesn't make it true.
(In order to be culturally inclusive the following applies to all Welsh, Scots and Irish as well as Canadians, Australians, Yanks, Mexicans, Norwegians and everyone else for that matter, as long as they were born on a week-day or alternatively on the week-end)
Yep. I am talking to ONLY TO YOU my grubby little
Englander. YOU are the only one who can be saved by
Billothewisp. But YOU Have to agree to be saved.
Let's face it. Otherwise you are stuffed. Unless you agree to be saved then for you, it is an eternity of hell fire and damnation. So what is Hell? Brimstone? Whips? Boiling Oil?
Nah - that's kids stuff.
Hell is being forced to drink gassy alcohol free American lager and watch the X factor all day. The adverts will be filled with no-win no-fee lawyers. If you change channels all you will get is a continual discussion between the two members of JedWard on their understanding of the Schroedinger Wave equation.
Your eyes will be stitched open. Your bladder will be stitched shut. Your mind will be filled with images of a naked Kate Moss - but when she is 85 years old.
Serves you right. But there is hope.
Yes! Billothewisp is here to save you! Don't start thinking about it! Don't start reasoning! That only leads to hell and a wrinkly Kate Moss. What you need to do is divest yourself of all that hellish filthy lucre just laying in your bank account. Billothewisp has broad shoulders. He can absorb the shame. He can soak up the bad karma that flows from (ugh!) money. So, as soon as possible, ensure you send him all those ugly high denomination notes.
When the whole world explodes at 12.00pm 21st December 2012, you can go straight to
the front of the queue into Heaven (celebrity entrance). Just mention Billothewisp.
Be Saved. Send all your money to me! (Metaxa is also accepted in part payment)
You know it makes sense.
Happy New Year.
Love and kisses